'Tis the Season of Giving!

     I love Christmas! All of it! Lights, music, cookies, presents...you get the idea. I love putting on the annual Christmas Showcase with my students because it's like having Christmas twice. We set it up, we celebrate, we clean it up. Then it starts all over again at home. I love all of it...
     Last year...is a blur. I don't remember what presents my kids got, I don't remember setting up the tree or decorating. I don't remember looking at lights. There are bits and pieces that come back to me as I hear my kids talking about it. I had a hard year. Quite possibly one of the hardest I have ever had...and some have been rough. Friends and family know we found out in May of 2015 we were expecting a baby. Total surprise! It took us awhile to get used to the idea of having another baby. Just as we started to accept that the pregnancy was real (four tests later and doctor confirmation), we found out our baby boy had Trisomy 18 and wouldn't live. We made some very hard decisions and lost baby Michael on July 31, 2015. School started the next week and I was on autopilot for just about the whole school year. It was hard, it was scary, and I was really tested to my limits. Looking back now, that sweet little baby I never met saved my life in many ways. I have since been able to recognize and get help for diabetes and high blood pressure. I also appreciate my boys so much more after having lost one and I know how important it is to hold them close. My angel baby will forever hold a special place in my heart, but I have been able to move on and accept it for what it was.

     Fast forward to this year...we found out in July (one year after losing Michael) we were expecting ANOTHER baby! Again...a surprise! It was just as hard to accept it was happening but in some ways it was even harder. My baby is 7 years old. This is like starting over!  And after the last experience, I was/am terrified! So many things can go wrong. I fluctuated between excitement, fear, and outright panic in the first few months. I think it could be categorized as PTSD with the shaking and sweating I face every time I go to the doctor. I can't stand the thought of losing another baby. I've been working closely with a couple of doctors and a specialist. Fortunately, everything about this pregnancy has been perfect!

Until last week!

     I had a scare last week. I thought for sure I was losing the baby. The doctor instructed me to go to labor and delivery to be checked. They did an ultrasound and everything was fine with the baby. Strong heartbeat, good movement. They monitored for contractions and sent me home with the diagnosis of bedrest. Bedrest...the most important thing I can do for this baby. But SO hard for ME. Physically and mentally. I had issues when I was pregnant with J and was on bedrest for 3 1/2 half months. The exact same place in that pregnancy as this one. Bedrest at Christmastime. So much to do with school, family, all of my winter break projects...all on hold for now. The rallying my family and friends was overwhelming! The amazing Kaye Bair stepped in and completely took over my classes. I hate asking for help and I didn't have to. People just stepped in and took over at school and at home. Meals and gifts and encouraging notes! Definitely feeling the LOVE!

    That brings me to the point of this blog post.... the season of giving! I love reading stories about how giving and loving people are around this time of year. Of course, I wish we could always treat other this way, but at least people remember each other during the holiday season.

     Last night, we were surprised and blessed by a Secret Santa(s)! My son thought someone was at the door...we've been on high alert since someone ripped apart our inflatable Santa the other night. He looked out and then came to get me. "Mommy!! Baby stuff. At the door. You have to come see!" I went to the door and couldn't even move...or speak... one of my big concerns about this pregnancy is that we don't have any baby stuff and not much money to purchase things. We didn't keep any of it because we didn't know we had another child meant for us. For some reason, we kept our crib. I'm glad we did! And neighbors Wade and Sarah Stevens gave us a beautiful changing table. I had a couple of baby clothes pieces from Sarah and a couple of other friends. But that was it! So of course there were many tears of gratitude shed when I saw this at the door...

     I'm overwhelmed even now as I write this. Clothes, diapers, gift cards and more! It is amazing! I don't know who provided us with these amazing gifts but I hope they are rewarded, fulfilled, and blessed in all of the ways they deserve! I can't even express the magnitude of my gratitude today as I keep looking at all of this stuff! For someone to take the time and effort to do this for us is so incredible to me. And a wonderful example of giving for my children to see and learn from. Thank you so much for making this Christmas so special and for helping us in this time of need. Merry Christmas!